Desperada : a raw grieving story

TW: drowning, death of a sibling, sexual assault, suicidal thoughts, racism, depression, drug use, terrorist attacks, grieving

If you're looking for a feel-good read, this is definitely not for you.

 

Twenty-seven-year-old Kora looses her younger sister, Kimia. She drowned in the ocean in Cabo San Lucas, in front of Kora. Her parents, particularly her mother, are mad at her cause they wanted her to protect her younger sister. She feels so guilty that she didn't save her.

 

Unable to be at home under these circumstances, she quits her job, books a one-way ticket to Iceland and goes to stay at a past fling’s house. Only telling her family that she's going to Iceland for a couple of weeks. She tries to down her sorrows in all sorts of excess, all around the world: Iceland, Paris, Barcelona, Berlin, Koh Pha Ngan, and Istanbul.

 

In full grievance, she tries to fill the emptiness with sex. Repeatedly chasing “the little death” (“la petite mort”, a French expression that refers to orgasm). On a self-destructing path, she engages in reckless behaviors with drugs, alcohol, sex. Some of us can (sometimes painfully) say “Been there, done that! And for those of us who do, this read will be emotionally challenging. It is heart-wrenching for anyone, let alone if you can relate to Kora's quest to stop hurting by self-destructing behavior.

 

Sofia Mostaghimi paints a vivid, sometimes graphic, picture of a young lady grieving and coming undone. Kora has been afraid all of her life. Her younger sister was the one who took risks, urging her that life was meant to be lived fully. Her new behavior is bringing her closer to her deceased sister, but takes her away from the rest of her family.

 

I like the tone of the book, in all the grief, pierces some sarcastic and sometimes dark humor. She is genuine and I liked that about her. Did I want to reach out to her, and tell her “Girl, stop hurting yourself like that!”? Safe! But it didn't exasperate me that much.

 

Through all her travels, there is something that stuck out to me. In a lot of countries, Kora hears people talking about immigrants and tourists, blaming them for all that is wrong in their country (I'm almost not exaggerating). Mostaghimi (as her character) is Canadian with Iranian origins. This probably makes her more sensitive to the perception of immigrants and their descendants all over the world.

 

If you're tired of well-mannered grievance handling, crying a little at home, but looking in control all the time, Desperada might be for you. Finally we have a main character who is out of control. For fear of disturbing the reader, publishers are cautious about this type of profile. Generally, we are presented with someone who slips a bit, but pulls themselves together quickly or is overwhelmed in one aspect of their life, but they demonstrate more mastery in other areas of their life. Because we like despair when it's short and cute. But life is not that. We are not all formatted the same way and it can happen that we are completely destroyed. And it's good to read that once in a while. Sometimes you need to totally loose it, to find yourself.

 

Desperata is a heart-wrenching read that not only makes you feel, but also makes you think, and maybe want to embrace who you are. It's kind of a raw Eat, Pray, Love, with self-destruction, a whole lot of sex, alcohol, drugs. But in the end, will Kora find who she really is? I'll let you find out!